Happy Birthday Jitters

Never before have I been more depressed on a birthday. In a celebratory mood? No, not really. Not even close. Feeling very sad, obscenely nostalgic and heavyhearted knowing my sweet baby boy is now officially one. Are my feelings a bit dramatic and exaggerated? Yes, very... Maybe even a bit crazy I know. I have this unique ability to think rationally even though I can feel irrational at times. ;) I really am trying to make this day special even though it's clear he has no idea that this day is any different from any other day. I mean the boy has been napping for the past 2.5 hours and who does that on their golden birthday? :)

I have been dreading this day far more than I thought I would. Looking back at this past year I am flooded with so many wonderful memories and it hurts to realize how much he is changing each and every single day. I am so excited for the future with him but today I am going to be a downright sentimental debbie downer. All I can think about is how much my life changed one year ago today and how I wish more than anything I could re-wind the clock and live it all over again. (pause to get more tissues) This past year has been AMAZING and such a BLESSING. It's surreal to think that I have only known you for one sweet year my sweet sweet Mady. Time is definitely relative... 

I really love music and love to listen to lyrics and identify meaning and significance. This song by Christina Perri captures my thoughts and mood right now when it comes to the love I feel for you. Happy "1" year Birthday my sweet baby boy!

I have died everyday waiting for you 

Darlin' don't be afraid I have loved you 

for a Thousand years 

I'll love you for a Thousand more

-Christina Perri "A Thousand Years" 

P.S. Your mama is going to get her act together by the time you wake and we are going to have tons & tons of fun tonight! I promise to take lots and lots of  photos and make you feel as special as you always make me feel. (more tissues) And I promise my next post will illustrate how fun your birthday actually was and not how mushy your mom really is... :)